Holidays of Anorexic past

( My plate 😉 just know I enjoyed times 3!!)

This thanksgiving was a turning point in my life it marked an age of new hope and beginning where I truly begin to break free from my vain disorder and grab control of my own life. I recall past holidays were I lied to myself saying that I was cured; that the urges to restrict had left me. But inside I knew I was lying. For when left alone with my thoughts, the guilt, worry, and panic would seep back in like a sickly black poison. I would put on a mask of contentment to hide the rising waves of panic crashing through my thoughts and destroying my peace of mind. The moments crawled by with agonizing slowness as I constantly waited for the celebrations to end. This was not healing, this was not freedom. I was lying to myself if I said I was recovered. How many holidays did I ruin masquerading like this? How many memories and moments of love did I skip out on playing my twisted little game? I am not talking merely about not eating the holiday meal because if you have had an eating disorder you know the repercussions are far greater than that.

Maybe you eat but every single second before and after is spent worrying over the past or present hurdle of food. What will I eat, when will they eat, how will I hide my food, I am going to gain weight, I need to go home, how can I burn more calories. These thoughts swirl endlessly through the mind preventing anything good and pleasant from penetrating the soul. Each moment is spent on the edge of your seat , every fiber of your being strained to the breaking point because if you sit back and enjoy the moment you are missing out on moments to burn off excess calories. How is that living? How is that fair to your family to spend every moment wrapped inside yourself under a maelstrom of misery plastering on a fake smile to please them? Do not lie to yourself any longer. Do not allow under any circumstances for these disorders to dictate how you spend one more holiday of your life. Take back control and realize what you are missing out on.

I am sick with disgust realizing the moments over the years where I broke my families hearts on days meant for joy. This year I am no longer a slave to my mind. I experienced the first truly free thanksgiving in about four years. And the best part was, once I let go of the worry over food and calories, the all American feast was not even the highlight of my holiday. I became immersed in the love and joy I had missed out on over years of anorexia. Disregarding my vain cares about weight and appearance opened the door not only to freedom in my meals, but to the indescribable contentment brought about through friends and family. I could not have asked for a better thanksgiving, and now I can only look towards Christmas with unlimited excitement. Not for the presents or the food, but for the chance to soak up four year’s worth of missed experiences. I want to run home and bask once more in the warm glow of love and laughter. Fill my starved soul with God and merriment.

My heart is breaking for myself and all other fighters still caught in the grips of their own disorders. I cannot express to you enough how tragic it is too loose these moments through your own fear. Only by truly setting yourself free can you realize that you are missing out on much more than a just bite of pumpkin pie.

Egg Nog Pound Cake

Egg Nog pound cake

My love for egg nog in the holiday season knows no bounds. If I became president my first order of business would be to demand yearlong supplies of the delicious creamy nectar. I first became acquainted with its spiced creamy essence as a child snuggled up on holiday evenings sipping mugs of nog whilst watching Christmas specials. For me this is one of the few moments of the year where I truly feel the holiday spirit. When I was in the midst of my eating disorder I let this delicious treat slide from my grasp and only enjoyed it accompanied by copious amounts of guilt. This year will be different; I will indulge in a mug of holiday cheer without any remorse 🙂 because I am counting memories not calories. One full mug of cream and sugar will not set me back or strike me with obesity. An unhealthy lifestyle will, but balance between physical and mental health means not depriving my body of simple pleasures. So I will enjoy my full fat sugary egg nog coma and then wake up every morning to a steaming slice of healthy egg nog pound cake! Raise your mug of nog to a balanced and healthy holiday season; free from disordered thoughts and brimming with cherished memories.

Egg nog pound cake

*with optional peppermint variation which I obviously opted for

Cuz der; peppermint XD

1/3c oat flour (40g)

4tbs coconut flour (30g)

1 scoop lean body for her vanilla whey (42g)*

1/2c granulated stevia

1tsp baking powder

1/2tsp baking soda

1/2tsp nutmeg

Pinch salt or sodium free salt

1/4c 1tbs low fat sour cream (75g)

3/4c Califia brand eggnog almond milk*

8tbs liquid egg whites (115g)

1/4tsp butter extract

1/4tsp rum extract

1/4tsp sweet leaf eggnog stevia drops

2tbs peppermint baking chips (22g)(optional)

Red food dye or beet juice(optional)

Method: in a bowl combine all dry ingredients together except for the peppermint baking chips. Once combined add in all the wet ingredients saving the almond milk for last. Slowly add in almond milk until the batter has reached a pourable yet still thick consistency. Once well combined fold in the peppermint chips until evenly dispersed. Finally spread the batter in a loaf pan lined with parchment paper and bake at 350deg F for 25-30min. (The top will be browned)

Ahhh Beautiful ❤

Let sit in the pan for 1min before removing. Place on a cooling rack to finish cooling.

Frosting: 1oz fat free cream cheese, 1 tablespoon greak yogurt, eggnog stevia to sweeten (adjust ingredients as needed to reach desired amount and flavor)

DEVOUR with more eggnog of course.

Macros for 1/8 of loaf(*frosting not included!!): 100calories 10.6g carb 3.2g fat 7g protein

 

*Notes: I used Jamie Eason’s lean body for her whey protein. With great results! It did not come out dry or add an off flavor. Substitute any other vanilla whey you desire but I cannot vouch for baking ability or nutrition info.

*I used califia brand eggnog brand with great success! I would recommend substituting a low fat eggnog as the califia brand version is fairly light in texture. Or substitute 1.5c vanilla almond milk with 1/4-1/2tsp more eggnog stevia drops.

Cream Cheese Coffee cake

Cream cheese coffee cake

In the past week I have made three different variations of “coffee cake”. You could say I’m on a coffee cake kick, or maybe I’m just determined to recreate the PERFECT dense buttery fluffy crumb through the intricate chemistry of guess and check. Guess what ingredient will work, bake it, eat-er I mean check, try again. So far I haven’t hit the flavor texture combo of my dreams but each variation I create has a special delicious twist to it! It is like playing an exciting game to discover all the different delicious ways to fail (in a good way!)

This is the strangest textured coffee cake I have made to date. It is not fluffy and soft like a cake nor is it smooth like cheesecake. I guess it’s a complete mixture of the two?? Still absolutely delicious! Fluffy like a cake and thicker through the bite from the cream cheese with a luscious cinnamon sugar swirl dancing through the middle. ❤ This is the second time I have experimented with fat free cream cheese in baking and although it is not necessarily the outcome I wanted, it was airy, light and absolutely divine served cold. Give your mornings a sweet kick start or finish your day on a bite if bliss! After all it’s good for you!

     \

Cream cheese coffee cake

2tbs coconut flour (15g)

1tbs spelt flour (15g)

2tbs granulated stevia

1 scoop lean body for her vanilla whey (42g)*

1/2tsp baking soda

1/2tsp baking powder

1/2tsp cream of Tatar

1tsp vanilla extract

3.5oz fat free cream cheese (little less than half an 8oz package)

1/4tap vanilla stevia drops

Pinch salt or sodium free salt

2tbs apple sauce (35g)

2tbs almond milk

Filling:

2tsp date sugar (12g)

2tbs caramel walden farms caramel or pancake syrup*

Water to thin

2tsp cinnamon

Filling directions: Combine all ingredients and add water until a pourable consistency is achieved. Set aside.

Directions for coffee cake:

Combine all dry ingredients together until well incorporated. Proceed to add all wet ingredients to the mixture and use a fork to mash the cream cheese throughout the mixture. Incorporate the cream cheese as thoroughly as possible throughout the batter leaving as little clumps as possible. Once the batter is well mixed; pour half into a well-greased loaf pan or 4x4inch ramekin lined with parchment paper. Next take your filling and spread evenly across the top of the batter. Proceed to cover the filling with the remaining batter.

  

(Bottom layer on left with a glimpse of filling mixture before spreading and middle filling on right)

Bake at 350deg F for 20-25min

The top will be puffed and browned and the middle will be set.

Don’t worry! It’s not burnt!

Allow to cool In the Pan for 2-3min before transferring to a cooling rack.

Macros for 1/4 of recipe: 127calories 12.5g carbs 12.5g protein 1.6g fat

*Notes: I used Jamie Eason’s vanilla whey with great success however feel free to substitute any other vanilla whey, however I cannot vouch for nutrition info or baking performance.

Also feel free to substitute the walden farms with maple syrup, honey, or agave, just note that this will change the nutrition information.

Pancake Memoirs

 

The light aroma of vanilla wafting through the early dawn hours, a warm sizzle pattering through the air, and light hushed clatters rumbling from the kitchen rouse me from the clouds of sleep. I rise from the warmth of my bed, led by my inquisitive nose and rumbling stomach, to investigate the homey commotion. A quiet house and a lively kitchen with thick fat fluffy pancakes doused in syrup and smeared with gollups of peanut butter await me. Immersed in a culture of coffee fumes, golden airy stacks, and light laughter; I melt into content bliss. The atmosphere is expertly constructed by a woman whose patience and depths of strength I will never begin to understand, my mother. A woman with many talents and heart to loving to continuously bear the worlds troubles. She always made the time to cook us breakfast on school days and weekends and I can only look back on the times she rose early to prepare something extra special and think of the opportunities I missed to say thank you.

Thank you for the home made stack of fluffy delight cooked up with love and sacrifice, thank you for the many pieces of bread dipped in milk and sugar toasted early before school, thank you for all the little things you did to make our mornings a little less rough that only now as I grow older do I realize I let pass me by. Absence truly does make the heart grow fonder. Now as I forge my way through new waters with these many mornings left behind; I can only attempt to capture the memories in sticky stacks of my own creations. If luck prevails, maybe, just maybe, I’ll catch a glimpse of those vanilla scented mornings.

 That is what pancakes in the morning means to me and I am continuously on the hunt for how to perfectly recreate the same emotions and feelings brought about by those tasty stacks. It has been a long journey but I have finally uncovered some trade secrets hidden between the buttermilk flap jacked layers.

(above photos left to right: pumpkin protein chocolate chip variation, peanut butter protein variation, and pumpkin spice variation)

Healthy pancakes 101, Your seven no fail steps to the perfect stack every time:

One. A flour or binding agent. Your weapons of choice: oat flour, coconut flour, protein powder, chickpea flour, whole wheat flour, and spelt flour to name just a few.

* These flours actually work best when utilizing different combinations of more than one since each brings its own unique trait to the table. Coconut flour offers a slightly sweet edge to the cakes while oat flour will provide a denser and fuller “bite” to the creation.

Coconut flour and bananas on left vs. chickpea flour and protein powder on right

   

Two. Eggs or egg replacer of choice (ex. chia egg, flax egg, etc..): ok you have your flour now you need a kind of leavening agent I ALWAYS put two portions of liquid egg whites in my batter. It serves to stretch the batter to make more cakes and also adds a whopping 10g protein from a great natural source!

Three: Oil. VERY IMPORTANT. If you do not add some sort of oil or butter replacement to the batter you run a high risk of dry stanky cakes. No one likes dusty old pancakes. My personal favorite substitute is 1 tablespoon of applesauce. It works wonders! However some other great replacements could be: half a ripe banana, avocado, pumpkin, zucchini, ricotta, tofu, cottage cheese, or greek yogurt.

zucchini and applesauce on the left vs. banana and pumpkin on the right

           

Four: psyllium husk powder. The underrepresented holy grail of healthy baking! I found psyllium husk powder at a local health store (for around seven dollars) and use it in almost everything I bake! The trick about phylum powder is that it makes baked goods thicker and fluffier without having to use the extra flour or add the extra calories. Many people on low carb diets swear by psyllium husk powder because it is so versatile and only 4.5g carb. For instance in a single serving batch of pancakes I can use 1/2c of some sort of flour and 1tsp psyllium to make up the difference. If you haven’t given this little treasure a try yet get on it! You will not be disappointed!

Five: Liquid of choice! ok pretty basic one, my staple go to is 1-2 tablespoons of unsweetened almond milk and sometimes I don’t even need extra liquid as the batter is already quite moist from the oil and eggs.

Six: Baking soda and baking powder. These little angels are your lifesavers in healthy baking. All the fluff for pretty much zilch added calories. Typically I will use ¼ tsp of each if it is a new recipe just to see give them a base point. Recently I have found the combination of ½ tsp baking powder to ¼ tsp baking soda to be very useful!

AANNNDDDD finally seven: sweetener of choice! My staple is always some form of stevia or monk fruit but you can always use maple syrup, honey or agave! Just make sure to take these liquids into account when adding in the extra liquid and oil form 3 and 5.

Now you can begin to assemble your own healthy stack in whatever flavor combinations your heart desires! Have fun, experiment and always invite me over to taste the result! ;D

Here is my basic go-to pancake base which many different flavors have sprung forth from.

No-Fail Pancakes

1/3C oatflour (40g)

1tbs coconut flour (7g)

1tsp psyllium husk powder (5g)

1/4tsp baking powder

1/4tsp baking soda

Sprinkle cinnamon

2tbs granulated stevia

1tsp vanilla extract

1tbs unsweetened applesauce (20g)

6tbs egg whites (92g)

2-3tbs Liquid sweetener ( I prefer Jordan’s skinny syrups in varying flavors)

2-3tbs almond milk as needed

Combine all dry ingredients and whisk with a fork until combined. Next proceed to add in wet ingredients and whisk again until well incorporated with no clumps. Allow the batter to thicken for about 5 minutes and then proceed to cook on a griddle or stove top like any normal pancake!

     

No fail pancake recipe with added espresso and chocolate chips vs. same recipe with added coco powder and chocolate protein powder.

Some of my favorite toppings or add ins are blueberries, bananas, peanut butter, chocolate chips and instant coffee! Any way you take this recipe is a win win situation 😀

Praying Lots of love and sweet mornings are ahead of you all!

*Note: Details on all the pictured  variations can be found on my instagram, strong_steady, and will be uploaded over time

White Chocolate Peppermint Cloud Cookies

My ABSOLUTE FAVORITE cookies ever for the holidays are white chocolate peppermint cookies!! When the holiday season rolls around all I can think about are gingerbread, peppermint and  candy cane flavored dreams! October can have it’s pumpkin, bring on the real stars! Literally my passion for a fresh baked candy cane chunk covered gooey sugar cookie knows no bounds… I’d arm wrestle an elf for one of those bad boys… Or wrangle a reindeer… You get the picture. Don’t worry I didn’t harm any elves or reindeer in the making of these healthy white chocolate peppermint chunk cookies,( granted it got pretty tense at Walmart grabbing the ingredients.. 0.0 ) Bite into these puffy peppermint clouds and experience holiday heaven!

White Chocolate Peppermint Cloud Cookies

Dry ingredients:
1/2c almond flour (56g)
1 scoop vanilla protein powder*
1tbs spelt flour (15g)
1/4tsp baking soda
1/2tsp baking pwd
Pinch salt or salt free salt
2tbs stevia or other granulated sweetener

Wet:
4oz fat free cream cheese (half an 8oz package)
3tbs egg whites (46g)
1/4tsp each vanilla and plain liquid stevia
Dash butter extract
2-3drops peppermint extract

Mix ins:
2tbs white chocolate chips (18g)
2tbs candy cane Andes baking chips (20g)

Method: combine all dry ingredients in a bowl and mix thoroughly, set aside. In a separate larger bowl add the wet ingredients and to the best of your ability mash together (you can use food processor but don’t over blend!!). once decently combined with minimal cream cheese chunks, add the dry ingredients and continue mashing/mixing until the cream cheese is evenly dispersed with no chunks. Once combined, fold in the white chocolate and peppermint chips. Finally drop 15-18 tbs sized dough dollops on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper and bake at 350deg for 8min. Remove from oven and allow to cool on the pan for 1min before transferring to a cooling rack.

         

I mean seriously; just look at that fluff-tastic cookie porn. Grab a peppermint cloud, a glass of eggnog ( I mean give me one good reason NOT to eat cookies and drink eggnog. Exactly.) And sink into the warm arms of a Holiday coma.

Macros Per 1/15 of recipe: 50 calories, 2.8fat, 3.8 protein, 2.2 carb

*Notes: I used one of my personal favorite whey proteins called Sfh Pure vanilla. However feel free to substitute any other vanilla protein powder just be sure to use 30g and know that nutrition info will change.

Chocolate Ginger Bread Bites

 

The wind is menacingly cold and pierces through clothes like thousands of frigid needles. It scalds tender faces with razor sharp fingers. There can only be one solution… Retreat inside with copious blankets, steaming drinks and fresh cookies. Bolt the doors and Do not emerge from your warm well stocked igloo until spring. However, in the unimaginable  case that you must valiantly face the storm and bravely venture out into the brunt of Mother Nature, arm yourself with fresh baked chocolate ginger bread cookies! Let their spicy warm essence spread an undying fire throughout your body and gain the strength to push through wicked winter winds.

Chocolate gingerbread bites

1 portion Flap jacked brand protein pancake mix, buttermilk flavor (56g)*
2tbs coco powder (10g)
2tbs stevia or other granulated sweetener
2tsp spelt flour (10g)
1tbs molasses (15g)
1tbs Manbake cookie butter*
46g egg whites (3tbs)
1/2tsp baking pwd
Dash maple extract
Spices from greatest to least:
Cinnamon
Cloves
Ginger
Allspice
Nutmeg
2tbs water

Combine all ingredients until well incorporated and then plop 13-15 bite sized cookie drops onto a cookie sheet lined with parchment  paper. Bake at 350deg for 8min. Remove from oven and let sit one min before transferring to a cooling rack. Sprinkle with vanilla protein powder and enjoy with more Manbake or other nut butter spread!

Macros per 1/13 of recipe: 33 calories, 4.4 carbs, .6 fat, 2.4 protein

*Notes:

If you need too you can probably substitute any pancake mix and achieve nearly the same results, just know that nutrition info will be altered.

I used Manbake’s high protein cookie butter but feel free to substitute pure almond butter or any nut butter of choice, however once again this will alter the nutrition info.

Deliciously Deceptive Appetizers

Deliciously Deceptive Appetizers

                Going out to eat is always a kind of obstacle course and the appetizers can be the biggest hurdle! Why are they so delicious but so unhealthy? Why must the world be so cruel to pack these beautiful little flavor bundles with thousands of calories? Not saying that indulging in these things every now in then is a bad thing at all; moderation is the best way to go in my opinion J .Personally, my favorite treat to indulge in is hot artichoke dip, lord have mercy SO GOOD! Most likely because its cream cheese and mayonnaise haha, awesome tasting combo but not very good for your heart or cholesterol levels.

                So in order to preserve our sanity and future health when attempting to evade these delicious temptations; I have created three amazing recipe adaptations on a couple classic appetizers:

Spanakopita- A traditional filo crusted cream cheese filled Greek fancy slimmed down without trimming any of the flavor

Vegetarian Italian roll-ups- a new take on the traditional roulade made from fat free vegetarian beef substitute ( or any lean ground beef/turkey) seasoned and stuffed with cheese, spinach and tomatoes

Vegetarian smoky molasses meat ball sliders- Vegetarian beef takes the stage once again to marinade in a smoky molasses sauce and be placed in pint sized portions on toasted buns

Enjoy, and make sure to trick your friends and family with deceptively healthy treats!

Spanakopita

9 miniature egg roll wrappers

1 portion (56g around 1/4c) cooked veggie ground beef or other lean ground meat

2tbs fat free cream cheese (33g)

1/4c fat free Greek yogurt (70g)

1/2tbs Hampton creek mayo (7g)

1tsp minced garlic

Dash salt

2 drops stevia

Garlic powder

Onion powder

Handful finely minced spinach

Kernel seasonings garlic parm. Seasoning

Mrs. Dash garlic herb seasoning

Italian seasonings (basil, oregano, rosemary)

 

Pre heat the oven to 350deg F. Combine all ingredients except the wrappers In a bowl and adjust seasonings to your liking. Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper and set aside. Begin filling each wrapper with about 1tbs of filling, folding in half Rangoon style and using small amounts of water to seal them.

Brush each packet with egg whites and sprinkle with Italian seasonings.

Bake for 10min and broil for 1-2 to brown up the tops.

           

Finished! Omnomnomnom…

 

Macros for one:

41cal

5carb

2.6pro

.6f

Vegetarian Italian beef roulades

2 portions ground vegetarian sausage (I used go veggie brand)

Garlic pwd

Onion pwd

Dash Balsamic vinegar

Italian seasonings

Dash luquid smoke

1.5 oz lissanti almond cheese (or mozzarella)

1oz sundries tomatoes

Handful spinach

Method:

Season the ground veggie beef with the listed seasonings include the balsamic vinegar and smoke. Mix/mash until it is incorporated throughout. Once seasoned; spread the veggie meat onto a greased pan in about a 4inch by 6inch thin rectangle.

( I used my hands to mold the “meat” as it was the consistency of a dough)

Then proceed to layer spinach, dried tomatoes, and cheese on top. Now proceed to roll the veggie sausage log up and press into a permanent log. Place the pan in the oven and bake at 350deg for 10-12min.

   

I topped my bites with vegan pepperoni slices and more spinach! However I recommend fresh basil 🙂

(Note: you can probably substitute real meat buuuuttt I’ve never made that before so good luck if u choose too!😅👍)

Macros for 1/4 of roulade: 53 calories, 6 carb, .1 fat, 6.7 protein (*depending on veggie meat brand)

Smoky molasses meatball sliders

2 portions veggie ground beef(112g)(or other lean meat substance. Yeah I had a lot of this veggie beef stuff lol)

1tsp molasses

Dash liquid smoke

Shake BBQ salt free seasoning

Garlic pwd

Onion pwd

Pinch Cloves

Sliced peaches (as needed)

1tbs Stubbs BBQ sauce

1 slice toast

Tooth picks

Method: combine all the meatball ingredients In a small bowl until well mixed.

(sexy paper bowl I know right?)

Form 6 mini meat ball bites and brown the meatballs for 5-7 minutes in a greased skillet. Remove from skillet. Place peaches in the skillet and cook till browned. Proceed to assemble your mini sliders and top with BBQ sauce 🙌👌

Macros for meatballs(depends on veggie beef brand)

180cals

16p

0f

20c

 

Deep dish Cookie crusted PB Squash Pie

Deep dish cookie crusted Peanut Butter Squash pie

Things I love about fall:

Pie

More Pie

Pie with coffee

and also Pie.

-Pusheen the cat

Haha Ok maybe that’s exaggerating a little bit but you have to admit, when the temperature begins to dip below freezing nothing sounds better than a steaming slice of pie enjoyed in front of a roaring fire. My favorite pies have always been the creamy indulgent ones that fill you up with decadent bliss and sugar coated comas. Give me a slice of thick homemade pecan pie over pumpkin any day! In the past I have always felt like these more rich cravings were something that needed to be repressed and controlled. I felt guilty over my own personal preference! How sad to think that I let such silly fears destroy  opportunities to just simply enjoy life’s simple pleasures. I have come a long way from those restricting thoughts and even though sitting down and enjoying a true slice of pie is still hard, it’s something I am not going to deprive myself of anymore. After all, Pie and fall go hand in hand! Good food, good times, chilly weather, that is the reason for the season.<3 I got the craving for a slice of comfort last night and decided to whip up a combination of all of those things without the sugar coated coma (don’t worry, come thanksgiving the macros will fly out the window 😉 ) but for now, allow me to share with you a slice of heaven without the spike in blood sugar.

Ingredients:

For the crust-

1 can drained and rinsed salt free white beans (260g)

3Tbs liquid egg whites (46g)

2Tbs coconut flour (14g)

¼ tsp butter extract

2tsp vanilla extract

¼ c granulated sweetener (I used stevia)

½ tsp baking powder

¼ tsp baking soda

1Tbs Almond milk

Filling-

140g acorn squash* (1 heaping cup)

2Tbs Natural peanut butter*

4Tbs powdered peanut butter*

1 scoop peanut butter whey* (35g)

2 eggs

1/2C granulated sugar (I used stevia)

Dash Cinnamon

Dash Cloves

1tsp maple extract

Instructions for the Cookie base:

Combine all ingredients for the cookie base in a food processor and process till smooth and well combined. Once pureed, spread the dough in the bottom of a 9inch spring form pan if possible or a 9inch cake pan. Set aside.

      

Instructions for the filling:

Either in a food processor or bowl beat the eggs, sugar, and extracts together until frothy ( you can either use a food processor to do this or a hand held blender). Pour the beaten mixture out of the food processor into a separate bowl and set aside. Now combine the squash, peanut butter, protein powder, and powdered peanut butter in a food processor and process till smooth. Once smooth, fold the pb squash mixture into the whipped egg mixture until just combined.

     This is the perfect level of Frothed 😉

Now combine the squash, peanut butter, protein powder, and powdered peanut butter in a food processor and process till smooth. Once smooth, fold the pb squash mixture into the whipped egg mixture until just combined.

  

Now fold it In!    Gorgeous!

Finally, pour the peanut butter squash filling on top of the sugar cookie crust. Cover with foil and bake at 350deg F for 25 min. After 25 min remove the foil and bake for 10-15 more minutes or until the middle is set. Remove from the oven and allow to cool 5-10min before removing from the pan.

Enjoy topped with ice cream, more peanut butter or melty chocolate!

*Notes: I used acorn squash with great success! However feel free to substitute kobacha, butternut or sweet potato! I wouldn’t recommend pumpkin due to how much creamier the flesh tends to be.

For the peanut butter brand I highly recommend Jiff natural because it has a great maple flavor.

For the protein, I used Metabolic Nutrition Peanut butter cookie whey but any other powder would work just fine as long as you use 35g which was around 1 heaping ¼ C.

Nutrition for 1/8 of pie based on my ingredients:

120 calories, 11.6g carbs, 4g fats, 9g protein

Chocolate Gingerbread Oats

Early Morning ritual of steaming zoat-proats alongside coffee and a bible study. Old Jack Frost has finally swept the last bits of summer breezes away this week and that called for warm comforting serving of chocolate gingerbread oats enjoyed whilst snuggled up in a fluffy blanket. On mornings were I can take it slow I don’t like to rush myself to get to the gym, or run errands; I make an effort to slow down and enjoy my quiet time with The Lord. I feel it helps rejuvenate and prepare me for the wild times to come. Who knows what the day may bring but for the moment, as I sit basking in the early morning light, I am at peace with the world and know God is with me.

Chocolate Gingerbread zoat-proats*

1 medium zucchini grated

1/2c whole rolled oats (40g)

6tbs eggwhites (92g)

1/2c water

1/2tbs coco pwd

1/4scoop chocolate protein pwd (10g)

1/2tsp liquid stevia

2tsp molasses

Dash vanilla extract

Dash maple extract

Cinnamon *

Ginger

Cloves

Allspice

Nutmeg

Add the oats,water, extracts, spices and zucchini together in a large pot and allow to come to a slight boil. Once boiling reduce to a simmer and cook till nearly all the water is absorbed and oats are cooked. Once most of the water is absorbed whisk in the egg whites and allow to simmer on low heat until the oats reach your desired consistency. Now remove the pot from the burner and add in the protein pwd, coco pwd, stevia, and molasses. At this point I taste and adjust spices as needed (*i never measure my spices but normally I use mostly cinnamon, cloves and ginger).

Recommended toppings are jem raw super berry maqui nut butter, bananas, and any other fruit available!

*zoats or proats are the common term for oatmeal stretched and amplified by the addition of zucchini, protein powder, egg whites or as in this case, all three!

Some morning peace God has given me today;

Galatians (3:26-29)

“So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew not gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.”

Conquering the Demon Stress

This week has been a hurricane of emotions. I’ve felt trapped suffocated and out of control! How funny it is that we think anything is in our control! I let myself be tormented by that little fly buzzing around; the destroyer of all things peaceful, the oppressor of faith, the bringer of darkness. Stress. That nasty little word that tells us we can fix everything just by continuously rolling the possibilities around in our head. Turning each scenario over and over again until the mind is practically crushed from the weight of our future. It assures us that we are in control and that any mistakes or flaws in our life are due to our incompetence. How laughable our struggles must seem to God, The one who is REALLY in control. He must feel sorrow for us, looking down and seeing how much senseless anguish we cause ourselves. If only we would just LET GO and realize not everything is in our control. It is not meant to be! What does worrying about one moment of your life accomplish? Can you add one hour to your life through worry? (see Mathew 6:25)

           

I will be the first to admit that worry has never helped me reach my goals and yet I still find myself doing it every day! It is one of my greatest vices and this week it came to bite me in the butt. All my pent up worry resulted in being gravely unprepared for a major exam. I know the verses, I know that I am supposed to relinquish control to my heavenly father but I am also human. In concept it sounds so easy to just let go but the reality of acting upon that truth is as scary as facing a black abyss and trusting yourself to fall.

                I withheld my trust and spent the week teetering on the edge of a cliff; being blown about by a whirlwind of “what if’s?”. Paralyzed by the fear of losing control I lost my sanity. I forgot my own advice and what scripture had prompted me to do. I neglected to act upon his word and now here I stand among the shattered remains of a life I couldn’t, and was never meant too, hold together. There are now many pieces to gather up and make whole again. The good news is I am learning and gradually practicing this concept of flying blind. I can taste the feeling of weightless freedom that comes from dropping the burden I wasn’t mean to carry in the first place. I am not there yet but day by day I am going to give one more weight off my shoulders to God. He can carry it. And pound by pound, life will become easier and prayer will replace that buzzing torturer. The scariest part is letting go, but only by free falling into the unknown can you truly experience the amazing weightless possibilities of a happier life.

Imagine a world where you don’t have to worry about tomorrow; then wake up and realize you are already there if you can just step off into the abyss and trust.