I LOVE mornings! Everything feels o free and exhilarating! After the first sip of coffee passes your lips and a buzz of caffeinated giddiness begins to spread through your body, you feel empowered. Ready to tackle the day as if anything is possible! I feel the opportunity for this day as I sit with my mom on our favorite couch, reading bible verses to each other and discussing various deep and silly topics. We don’t want to move even as the time ticks by. We both want to hold on to these moments just a little bit longer; the dawn sun creeping through the window and the stillness of a peaceful house.
But it must go on, we just have to learn to make the most of these moments. Cherish them as the gems they are for they are the little moments in life we take for granted. I am practicing thankfulness in every aspect of my life. The journey with God can ebb and dip just like the wide oceans and I am finding myself in a rift of confusion; wanting to be in his presence but at the same time finding myself straying away. I forget to open my bible daily or to open my heart to constant prayer, steps necessary to finding everlasting joy. Even without asking God has provided an answer; a daily devotional that I find soothing to read instead of the sometimes abstract chapters of the bible. I can connect with this woman; see the light of what true Christianity means. The book preaches grateful praise in all aspects of life and has given me the small step I need to get back on the road to God. It is as simple as remembering to thank God for these precious mornings, for the stability in my life.
I have been so consumed by what I do NOT have I forgot to remember what I DO have. It is this that is bringing about peace in my days. Driving down the road to my house and praising god for small things like light traffic, the blessing of owning a car, and the still moment in between the many storms. Or it could be in the moment of triumph as I sit poised over a pint of ice-cream remembering how years ago this day would not be possible. I dig my spoon in, fearlessly empowered by Gods everlasting love and I thank him for the healing in my life. I thank him for reminding me I am perfect in every shape and way.
I look back on the past years and I fall to my knees, bowing my head in absolute awe. I feel as if my heart is breaking from guilt for I can see how far he has carried me. How absolutely lost and distraught I was. It is through God’s grace that I am no longer tied down by an eating disorder. HIS power that I am free to live again! I did not see his helping hands as I lay crying in the dark. I did not hear his gentle words as I struggled to live. But he was there, constantly there. Answering my prayers even as I turned from him for he saw the bigger picture and this was not the end of my story.
Looking back at the new life God has given me, how can I continue to be ungrateful? How can I ask him for more when he has already given me so much? Is not my life enough? Is not the freedom of mind more sacred than any physical appearance of athletic triumph? I will never find peace of mind while always wanting more. I need to love myself and all I have in this moment right now because the time I take for granted is like the life of a butterfly; short, Beautiful, and gone in an instant.