What can happen when you don’t take recovery seriously enough.
They never tell you in an eating disorder everything you are doing to your body. They don’t warn you about the side effects than can occur from just a minor abuse of nutrition. As long as you are a healthy weight and no longer dying then that’s that! You are given a green card and shipped off as “cured”.
I lived about 3 years of my life in a naive bubble of starvation. I did not acknowledge any damage that was being done because I could not see it and no one fore warned me. I felt gratified in what I was doing because I could see no tangible signs of neglect. Maybe I wasn’t eating above 1500 calories but as far as I could tell the only side effect was my energy levels and being skinny so who cared? It was worth it in order to look a certain way, or so I thought.
This post is not one of those fluffy fluttery happy recovery stories; I am here to tell you some truths of the damage you may be doing to yourself right now that may not manifest till years after you consider yourself “recovered”. This post will probably be scary and to be totally honest I am scared to admit what I have done to myself; but it is also necessary because I do not believe that many people fighting eating disorders or anorexia know the true extent of the impact they are making on their bodies. These are side effects no doctor warned me about. Side effects I am discovering and learning to deal with and cursing every step I took in a false recovery. My one hope is to save others from the same ailments because there is a way! But you have to do it now, While there’s still time. While you are recovering and not later when you feel stronger because the longer you wait the more likely it is that you too will experience these side effects.
1. The first less-scary side effect: Cavities. This came as a huge surprise to me when 2 years after being in treatment for anorexia I left the dentist’s office with a diagnosis of three cavities and FIVE MORE forming! My mom and I were shocked, how could a teen that has generally had healthy teeth, doesn’t drink soda, eats healthy, and brushes/flosses morning and night suddenly develop such a horrendous case of cavities?? The answer was not what I had been eating but what I had not. This was something no doctor had told me was a consequence of my poor nutrition choices but the proof was in the enamel. Malnutrition had caused decay in the protective enamel around my teeth. I am now on prescription level tooth paste to reverse the damage.
2. Lowered metabolism. This one is a little more well -known but I don’t think people take it seriously enough. I know I didn’t for one. If you gain weight in recovery on a low caloric intake (seriously I’m saying like even 2000 may be too low) and if you are exercising at the same time, you are lowering your metabolism. It’s true. If your body is gaining on low calories it will take even less to maintain. (*yes you can fix and alter your metabolism but why suffer when you can go ahead and start off on the right foot?!) If you don’t believe me here’s my true story: I hit my minimum healthy weight and then bounced immediately into exercise and calorie restriction. Roughly 1500-1800 a day with 2-4hrs of exercise a day. Guess what, when I decided to gain weight I gained on 2000-2300 and I still exercised and didn’t increase my intake. Now I’m trying to maintain and have to eat 1900 or lower to not gain weight! Sounds fun right?
3. Now here’s the real kicker, one that set in about 2-3months ago. Lowered estrogen and progesterone levels from over exercising whilst technically still healing (could also be defined as lack of a menstrual cycle in girls). *first let me define what still healing could be for you: reaching a minimum weight with not period and/or still hormone imbalances, maybe having normal hormones but still weighing to little, just plain being stuck in an eating disorder where your health is at risk. What does this cause?? Let me tell you because no doctor ever warned me: decreased sex drive, depression/ mood swings, heat sensitivity (wonderful, always wanted hot flashes), thyroid dysfunction annnnnd weight gain. Yup. Weight gain. Meaning if you’re like me and you eat healthy exercise regularly and all that jazz your hormones may be so messed up it doesn’t matter anyway. You’ll gain weight no matter what. (Can you see why I have been having so many mental breakdowns recently?? Trying really really really hard not to let this problem tear me apart. It’s a post-anorexics worst nightmare. And I’m living it.)
I can tell you truly that these are real problems. I can’t tell you that everyone’s body will react the same way in recovery. Maybe your friend Jane Doe exercised all through recovery has this bomb metabolism and mother nature visits once a month! Woot woot! That’s great for her! But there is no guarantee that this is how YOUR body will react. What I am suggesting to prevent these things will not harm you anyway, restricting and exercising however? Well you’re playing Russian roulette with your own body, just saying.
Not having a period is not okay, exercising in recovery is not okay. Progesterone and estrogen levels are impeded by exercise. Do you know how much I wish I could travel back in time and just take a year off of exercise during recovery? Allow my body to truly truly heal instead of setting up this catastrophic train wreck I’m trying to fix right now? If you don’t know it’s with every ounce of my being. Now all I can do is warn you that these are distinct possibilities and tell you how to avoid them. (*I am not a doctor and I am not pretending to be one. This is a true life account of what CAN happen if recovery is not taken seriously! I ignored this advice and now im here to tell you the consequences are only too real.)
My biggest advice is two parts; One, go minni maud and gain on upwards of 2500 calories with NO food limitations! (Find complete food freedom again, give yourself a clean slate) and part two no exercise. Hold off on the exercise until you know your body has come back 100%! This means normal hormone levels (get a blood test) for girls and guys and menstrual cycles for women. These two things are so vital to ensuring a healthy recovery it would take 100 more posts to completely cover all the details. It seems kinda simple for all the negative side effects that come from NOT following these two pieces of advice. The hard part comes from being mentally strong enough to do it. But I promise you it is worth it; its only now about 5 years later that I look back and wonder why I fought so hard to stay so sick.
I think I was given this path for two reasons; 1- so I could make the mistake for you and be able to hopefully prevent others from falling victim to it. 2- so that now as I take on the task of fighting again, I will hopefully be able to share insight on how to fix this problem from my side of the story. For others like me who are “too late” I am forging a new path. Drs Appointments already scheduled, leaning on God, holding his hand, and trusting He will carry me through this.
Strong & Steady 